My Life As of Now...An Update

Hello All :)


For those of you who care, and for those of you who are simply creeping, I've decided to bring you all up to speed on my life. 


Since leaving Texas in 2009, I've been attending Bethel University full time studying psychology. I'm excited/nervous/proud to say that I'll be graduating in the Spring of 2012 with a psych degree! Not sure where I'll be headed after that, but I'm not too worried.


While at Bethel, I've been heavily involved in United, which is the worship ministry on campus. I co-lead a team last year, and I'll be co-leading another team this year. I cannot tell you how excited I am to be in the ministry for a second year. It's a blessing to be a part of the United family and hang out with such wonderful people. I love being under the leadership of my worship pastor. He's done a great job to challenge, stretch, encourage, and correct me. I am blessed.


This summer, as well as last summer, I've been back in Texas working with Global Expeditions as their Registration Manager. Global Expeditions' heartbeat is to provoke a young generation to passionately pursue Jesus Christ and take His life-giving message to the ends of the earth. I have the pleasure and honor to welcome all of the 2,000+ missionaries to our campus in Texas and help them get their paperwork and finances in order before heading out to share the love and truth of Jesus Christ with the world. 


There's more to share about life, and what I'm learning and discovering, but I'll leave it to the basics for today. 


I love what I do. I love where my life is going...even if I don't know where exactly that is yet. I'm finally okay with not knowing. 

Beware of "Why?"

My thoughts are a bit jumbled as of late, so forgive me if this entry doesn't come out as smoothly as I had hoped :)

"Why?" can cripple the soul more quickly than a bullet cripples the body. It's a rather simple question, yet it rarely returns a simple answer.

Perhaps the only good "why?" questions come from children. Coming from a five-year-old it's usually a question of curiosity and discovery and understanding…

"Why is the sky blue?"

"Why do cats have tails and I don't?"

"Why does the sun have to go to bed?"

"Why do people go to war?"

Oftentimes "why?" tends to evoke shame and disappointment…

"why did you do that?"

The asker, whether or not they realize it, probably expects one of the following answers…

"because I'm stupid."

"I wasn't thinking."

"Why?" comes in many forms, but I think the most dangerous ones are those that linger in our minds…

"Why did this happen to me?"

"Why did he/she leave me?"

"Why am I not like so-and-so?"

These questions are debilitating. They can cause us to focus on and mull over what is "wrong" in life. Usually that "wrong" is us…or so we think. I'm all for grieving where grief is needed, but eventually we need to rejoin the rest of the world. There's no magic time period. Each person is different and should never expect their journey to look like someone else's.

"Why?" can be replace with "what?".

"What does this mean for me?"

"What can I do about it?"

"What can I learn from this?"

Where "why?" leaves us turned inward and depressed, "what?" opens us up to a world of possibilities without ignoring the situation. "What?" is fuel for the engine where "why?" is a flat tire taking us nowhere and leaving us deflated. "Why?" comes much easier than "what?" because it takes less effort to ask. "What?" requires action, both inside and out.

I may not ever know the answers to some of my "why's", but I'm not so convinced that I need to know anymore.  I'm finding the "what's" to be satisfying and encouraging. They push me to acknowledge the hardships, learn from them, and press on to bigger dreams.

Beware of "why?" because it is a friend of daydreams, beckoning us to stay where we are and merely dream of how things could be. 

Faithfully Fighting to the Death

Dreams are like clouds.  Wistfully floating through the air, they catch the attention of those desiring to look out from themselves. Clouds drift on by regardless of who’s watching. Forming from droplets upon droplets of moisture, clouds grow into enormous sizes. Like clouds, dreams grow from droplets upon droplets of thoughts. These thoughts grow and grow until they cannot be confined any longer to the mind but must morph into an action. As clouds bursting with moisture produce rain, minds bursting with thoughts produce actions. One action leads into another…and another…and another…and eventually these actions, once thoughts, become a habit. A habit kept should naturally create a lifestyle.

As much as I want to tackle a huge daydream right this instance and conquer it…I’m realizing that I don’t just want to conquer one daydream. I want to conquer many of them. So I’m left with two options. One, I can go after them one at a time and focus just on one until it’s become reality. Or two, I can go after the lifestyle that will naturally encourage and induce death in my daydreaming. My choice? The latter, of course.

It’s like training for a marathon. People wanting to run a marathon will need to get in shape and push themselves in training. They drink a lot of water, run a lot of miles, and eat pasta the night before. (or something like that) If they’ve prepared themselves enough, the marathon won’t entirely kill them. If the goal was to run a single marathon, then kudos to them—it’s done. They may never want to run another day of their lives….but what if they did? What if they kept running? What if they kept running so that their bodies were always somewhat ready to go for the next marathon, mountain climb, or an insanely long backpacking excursion into the boundary waters? If their bodies were always in shape, training for the next big thing wouldn’t be nearly as taxing or time consuming. Conquering the next goal would come naturally.

What if killing off daydreams came naturally? I think it’s possible if we start small—one droplet of thought at a time. 

What kind of lifestyle will encourage daydreams to become a reality? What kind of lifestyle naturally makes dreams come true?

The first thing that comes to my mind is time.  A woman who makes her dreams come true is on time. She knows the value of every moment and makes the most of each one. She’s on time to her appointments and respects the time that others have set aside for her. She’s not going to miss out on opportunities because she manages her time, doesn’t procrastinate, and is prepared for anything. 

To be honest, I wish the above paragraph was a description of me. Sadly, it isn’t. If you are in my classes, you have learned to leave a seat empty by the door for when I come in late. It’s not that I have the intention of being late…I just get distracted easily. Maybe I’ll notice a card on my desk that I got in the mail earlier in the week and I’ll take a couple minutes to reread it and think fondly of the person who sent it to me. Or perhaps I’ll stop to read a poster on my way to class, or see a friend in the hallway, etc. Whatever excuse I use, it’s still an excuse for something that deserves no excuse. While I would not say that I choose to be late, by choosing to take time to “diddle” I am truly choosing to be late. I would never intentionally disrespect a professor or a classmate, but by continually being late to class I am doing just that. I’m saying that I value myself more than I value the time and effort my professor has put into the class. I truly am being self-centered and disrespectful however unintentional I’d like to think I am.

That brings me to the action I’d like to take this week. I have plenty of thoughts, but I need to start acting on those thoughts…starting with my timeliness. I have no reason to be late to anything. Ever.  I want to set my alarm for the time that I need to wake up…and actually get out of bed…at that time. From this day forward, I will not be making use of snooze button. I want to be a woman who is dependable and respectful of time. I no longer wish to miss out on opportunities because I haven’t been managing my time. 

It may seem small, but that's where it all begins. If I can be faithful to fight to be the woman I want to be in the small things, how much easier will it be to faithfully fight in the big things? Perhaps bringing death to daydreams isn't so much about going after just one or two, but becoming a person that faithfully fights to the death.


I'm choosing to fight for the woman I'm to become. This fight must start with the smalls things, and it must be a constant fight. There really isn't an in between. Either you fight or you die. In a battlefield, you fight to the death. If you were to fight halfheartedly in battle, you'd die quickly. If you fight halfheartedly for yourself in life, you are doomed to fail.


So I choose to fight. 


Start small. Thoughts. Actions. Habit. Lifestyle. Dead dreams.

The Beginning of the End

I'm a great daydreamer possessing the skills to turn the four brick walls of a classroom into a new enchanted world filled with wonder. Some days I spend class on the beach as my prof lectures beneath a palm tree, and I listen to the hum of the air vents slowly fade into the ocean waves. It's quite relaxing.  I could sit under the stars or the clouds and drift off into space with the hopes of floating into Captain Kirk. While the above examples are daydreams, those fantasies are not the daydreams that I'm talking about.

Dictionary.com has several definitions for the word "dream"

1. a vision voluntarily indulged in while awake; daydream; reverie.

2. an aspiration; goal; aim

I want to focus on the latter of the two definitions. Through the years, I've had many aspirations. I could easily jot down 100 dreams that are currently hidden in the depths of my heart. The problem is that they are dreams. They have not yet come into existence. It's true that "without vision, the people perish," but I would go a step further and say that without action, the vision perishes.

For the vision to live, the dream must die. There is only one way that a dream can die. Some people may say that dreams die when you let them go, but I would disagree. Dreams can be forgotten or suppressed, but they are still dreams. Their essence does not change.

 For a dream to die, it must become a reality.

Death to daydreaming.

 Ironically, it's a call to start living. It's a call for action. Join me. 

Stop dreaming and start living.

Am I an expert on this? No. Do I have all the answers? Of course not, but I think it will be a fun adventure. What is there to lose? This blog will be a place to share my adventures and experiments as I choose to live life to the fullest, and the steps I take to bring death to daydreaming.